I am not tradtionally an "introvert." Whatever that really means...i have always needed time to myself to process & regroup, but I adore being with people & having adventrues. But lately, I've been VEEEERY to "myself" & sunday, after church I hit a very emotional, draining, scary wall of hoplessness, dreary sadness.
My divorve is final. The papers came in the mail Friday. I knew what it was before I opened it and I. felt. nothing.
It scared me how little I felt. I really thought, before I got the papers, that I'd feel something when I finally got them. But nothing came. no feeling of finality, no feelings of freedom, no saddness. But I have been feeling feelingless....about this issue. Is that a feeling? No apathy. I care, I wish I felt more.
So Sunday I built a woobie cave. A fort of sorts. I tied together two, soft, lightweight, airy, stripped blankets from Mexico hung them above my roomates lovesak™. I hid it in. I need a fort, a teepee of dreams, a place I can regroup and relearn who I am. I hung jewles and gold rick rack from the top, so I can have something pretty to stare up @. I just needed somewhere to hide, somewhere to process. I feel, so much better.