Monday, August 1, 2011

Me and the woobie cave.

I am not tradtionally an "introvert." Whatever that really means...i have always needed time to myself to process & regroup, but I adore being with people & having adventrues. But lately, I've been VEEEERY to "myself" & sunday, after church I hit a very emotional, draining, scary wall of hoplessness, dreary sadness.

My divorve is final. The papers came in the mail Friday. I knew what it was before I opened it and I. felt. nothing.
It scared me how little I felt. I really thought, before I got the papers, that I'd feel something when I finally got them. But nothing came. no feeling of finality, no feelings of freedom,  no saddness. But I have been feeling feelingless....about this issue. Is that a feeling? No apathy. I care, I wish I felt more.

So Sunday I built a woobie cave. A fort of sorts.  I tied together two, soft, lightweight, airy, stripped blankets from Mexico hung them above my roomates lovesak™. I hid it in.  I need a fort, a teepee of dreams, a place I can regroup and relearn who I am. I hung jewles and gold rick rack from the top, so I can have something pretty to stare up @. I just needed somewhere to hide, somewhere to process. I feel, so much better.




3 comments:

Morgan | Mrs. Priss said...

I saw this on your facebook. it looks so cute and calm and relaxing!

I love you so much, girlie! You're lovely, brave and strong!

(btw, my word verification is 'sperm' right now. I'm not even kidding. this is amazing to me. lol)

RachelRuelas said...

Hahaha morgie. Thanks lovin...i appreciate your support sooo much.

Emily said...

Girl, I prayed for your heart tonight. You know what I prayed? I prayed that your heart would be filled with PEACE. Though I haven't walked the road you're on right now, I have been through different times of pain and times when I have felt nothing. Emotional deadness. And I know that when you can't feel anything else, God can give you His PEACE in the midst. So be watching for it. Much love, sweet friend.